Food and Feelings I

Does it always have to be this way, food the enemy? Will I always feel the need to be punished for eating? Will certain foods always scare me? Will I always feel the need to exercise after certain foods? Will the need to get out of my skin, out of my body ever really end? I just don't know what to do. Slowly getting my hunger signals back is terrifying. I do not want to feel "hungry". What does it mean to be hungry? Why do I need to feel it? I am not hungry. I can deny myself still. I am very good at denying. Yes I am.

Back to Restricting

Been having a lot of urges and thoughts. It's really hard. I feel like I'm slipping. I started restricting again and I can't get back on track. I feel guilty for eating the little food that I do eat. My stomach is stuffed and I just can't eat.