Meal Record 7/16/10

breakfast:

cereal

milk

Snack:

juice

cereal

milk

Lunch:

cereal

milk

gazpacho

carrots

Dinner:

shrimp and linguine

watermelon

Tough Day

restricting, exercise, going crazy, feeling fat, gross, not doing too well. life sucks, feeling off, i just want to lose weight.

Meal Record 7/15/10

Breakfast:

Cereal w. milk

Toast w. butter

Lunch:

West African Yams

Tofu

Snack:

Cereal w. milk, fat

milk

watermelon

Dinner:

fish

gazpacho

broccoli

juice

Desert:

chocolate mouse

Full, Fat, and Nauseous

Ugh, feel like i'm going to burst. really nauseous. feel like i'm going to throw up. fuck. so full just want to never eat again.

Thoughts that Don't Go Away

Fat, bloated, ugly, gross-thoughts and words flow through my head

Cannot turn off

Cannot shut down

Filled to the brim and uncomfortable

Just wanting to give up,

Throw up

Stop eating

Starve,

Lose weight,

Go home and die.

Jess, Julia and countless others

So many have been taken down eating disorders. It's so bad. I miss these two gorgeous women so much. They brought to much joy to those who knew them. It's so sad that a people should be taken down by something that could be helped. I wish that we could all go back in time and warn our younger selves about the journey we were starting down. Love you my angels!!!!