Changing the Requirements for Anorexia

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/brave-girl-eating/201008/shes-not-skinny-is-she

An important read for those who know or have had any dealings with anorexia.

Some Days...

Some days it is really hard, if feels like a battle, because in a sense it is. Everyday is so hard. These thoughts, these feelings, they don't go away. Sometimes I just want to shut them up, other times I really want to listen to them. I do not know if I can keep fighting but every day I try. I try to fight for recovery. But it is draining. It is so hard. I just want to give in sometimes and just stop eating just waste away into nothing.

Meal Record 7/16/10

breakfast:

cereal

milk

Snack:

juice

cereal

milk

Lunch:

cereal

milk

gazpacho

carrots

Dinner:

shrimp and linguine

watermelon

Tough Day

restricting, exercise, going crazy, feeling fat, gross, not doing too well. life sucks, feeling off, i just want to lose weight.

Meal Record 7/15/10

Breakfast:

Cereal w. milk

Toast w. butter

Lunch:

West African Yams

Tofu

Snack:

Cereal w. milk, fat

milk

watermelon

Dinner:

fish

gazpacho

broccoli

juice

Desert:

chocolate mouse

Full, Fat, and Nauseous

Ugh, feel like i'm going to burst. really nauseous. feel like i'm going to throw up. fuck. so full just want to never eat again.

Thoughts that Don't Go Away

Fat, bloated, ugly, gross-thoughts and words flow through my head

Cannot turn off

Cannot shut down

Filled to the brim and uncomfortable

Just wanting to give up,

Throw up

Stop eating

Starve,

Lose weight,

Go home and die.